Just A Friendly Visit for centerishome

[know_how_u_feel]

He said they needed to talk. She wasn't so sure she wanted to anymore. He said it should be in person and now she found herself stopped on his front steps seriously considering going home. What was there to say? What could they possibly say that would make this better? She hadn't lied. Everything she posted was true, as much as she hated to admit it. She was confused and hurt. Her ego was more than a little bruised. It shouldn't have been. She was two short years from being a doctor. She had a great life and a lot of fun. He was the one in a miserable relationship with Mrs. Robinson. He was the one that had to live with the knowledge that while he wanted only to be with her she was still thinking about another man. What a mindfuck. God, what if she thought about that other guy in bed?

All things considered, Sam should have been happy. She got to do what every person who ever had their heartbroken wanted. She ran into her ex when her life was fantastic.

So why did she feel so shitty? Why did this whole thing with his boss bother her so much? After all there was a karmic balance to someone else breaking his heart but it didn't. It made her angry for him as much as at him. How could he not stand up for himself? Love she understood. Sometimes you just fell for someone you know you shouldn't but why did he stay? Why did he put up with her bullshit? He never would have before. He didn't even stay when things were good. It really bothered her.

That more than anything was what caused her to finally press the buzzer. She just had too many questions not to talk to him.

Comments

[centerishome.livejournal.com]

Sam was loosing points with him and fast. Exploding on to the scene like this was so not what he needed. She could have come to him in private with her concerns and said she was worried about him but instead she lashed out.

He buzzed her up to the third floor where he answered the door with a beer in his hand and an offered one for her. She was still Sam, after all, and he was sure that somewhere in that ugly post she had been trying to watch out for him.

"Hi."

[know-how-u-feel.livejournal.com]

She hesitated before entering, her eyes going from him to the beer then back again. It felt like a trick but she took the beer anyway stepped inside.

"Hi." She replied dully. At that point in time she couldn't care less if she was losing cool points with him. The time for trying to impress the guy was over.

"I'm not apologizing if that's what you asked me over for." She said setting the beer down. There was no sense in beating around the bush.

[centerishome.livejournal.com]

"It's not," he closed the door and walked past her to the couch. It was brown and soft and if he had a dog it would be covered in hair.

He finally made eye contact. He was exhausted.

"Next time come to me privately." He flicked the cap off his beer bottle and took a long drag. "You can't repeat this. She's dying. ALS. 3, maybe 5 years max."

[know-how-u-feel.livejournal.com]

"I was trying to avoid talking to you again. I honestly didn't even think you'd want to argue. You'd just go." She almost said just like before but stopped herself. She'd beat that into the ground already. Even if she did still think it, she didn't have to keep saying it.

Whatever she was expecting him to say, that wasn't it. The was a twinge of shame but it was instantly overshadowed by a wave of relief. "That's why you stayed with her." She said softly as she sank down onto the couch next to him.

[centerishome.livejournal.com]

He was hardly listening to her talk about him just leaving. He didn't know what she was talking about then anyway. There would be time for that later.

"No," He shook his head. "That's why she won't stay with me. She says she loves me but she doesn't think she has enough time left to give herself to me the way I deserve or some bull crap. She's scared. So she goes to Gibbs because he feels like home to her. They've know each other a long time."

Suddenly his beer bottle is empty and he tosses it away. "She's got a lot to deal with. This disease, me, Gibbs, everything, we put her through a lot but the disease is going to win. It hasn't won yet though and I want to be with her until it does. I don't want her to miss being with someone who truly loves her because she's scared."

"If it makes you feel any better, Gibbs doesn't love her either. He does, but I don't think she's who he really wants either." He grabbed another beer. He felt a little fuzzy thanks to the last of his pain prescription mixing with the beer. "If you repeat any of this I'll kill you with a croquet mallet."

[know-how-u-feel.livejournal.com]

"I didn't say that's why you love her. I'm sure you have your reasons for loving her. I said why you stay. Scared or not, if she was healthy telling you she wanted someone else, I can't see you sticking around to be her runner up. Relying on the fact that the other guy doesn't want her because if he ever changed his mind, she'd be gone. No, you stayed because she's sick and you love her too much to let her go through it alone."

She grew quiet for a mind then shook her head. She hated how relieved she felt. Finally, something about this whole fucked up situation made sense. So much of her anger came from the idea that Clarke had become some kind of doormat for this woman. It was so uncharacteristically not him that she started doubting if she knew him at all. And it was one thing if he just didn't feel for her what she felt for him. It was an entirely different thing if the whole relationship was a sham because she never knew him at all. Then all of it would have just been in her head and she hated feeling so dumb because she thought they'd been close.

Eventually, her attention turned back to Clarke. How she felt about the older woman was irrelevant. And while Sam was feeling relieved by the news, she should have been focusing on the important part of his confession. Whatever his reasons for staying, the woman he loved was dying and he'd made up his mind to stay with her to the end. He was going to be there for every agonizing second until the disease won out and she was gone. As she thought about it, her eyes welled up. Sam wasn't much of a crier but no matter what their history, she'd never wish something like this on him.

Hesitantly, she reached for his hand. He said he needed a friend. She had no idea how badly that was true until now. Sam could feel all the old hurt and righteous indignation she came here with fade until all that was left was this need to be there for him. Her chest was squeezed so tight she imagined she could feel his heart breaking. It was too much. The tears burning under her eyelids started falling. Maybe he would get that apology after all.

[centerishome.livejournal.com]

He nodded. That was a big of part of it. He wasn't going to bring up much more about this because it really wasn't his to share. She had enough perspective and she understood what he wished everyone one did, that nice guy is not synonymous with doormat. He may not ever be in the military but he was fighter nonetheless.

He squeezed her hand briefly and let go, appreciating the gesture. The tears came as more of a surprise. He was a little dumbstruck but managed to hand her a tissue anyway. "I'm okay, I promise you, I'm okay." He reached over and put his hand on her knee. "Don't cry."

He sat there with her quietly for a moment, letting everything settle. It was a big revelation and an important moment because it meant that he and Sam did have a shot at being friends after all. "Sam, this is important, you need to listen to me. Jen can not EVER know that you know she's sick, okay? You can't tell anybody."

[know-how-u-feel.livejournal.com]

"Sorry" She said softly as she accepted the tissue and started blotting her eyes. "It just hit me what it meant for you. What the next few years are going to be like for both of you. I shouldn't have said what I said. Not about you anyway. You're not weak. You're fucking insane and maybe a masochist but not weak. I don't think I could do it. Maybe if I knew I was number 1 for them but even then I'd really have to think about it."

The guy had to be shooting for sainthood or something.

She listened and shook her head. "Don't worry. I'm not all that eager to talk to her again in general. I'm certainly not going to enter into any heart to hearts discussing her illness."

[centerishome.livejournal.com]

"Don't think about it that way. Don't feel sorry for me or for her, that doesn't help anything."

Funny thing is, he wasn't shooting for anything of the sort. He was just being honest, which led him to follow his heart and fight for this even if he might end up getting hurt.


"Yeah, I figured that. Just don't mention it anyone else even if you think there's no way they know Jen. Don't mention it to your grandmother, you get me?"

He exhaled in relief. This conversation was making him tired. He felt better after talking with Sam, he even thought her post would blow over after a couple of days.

"Are we okay?"

[know-how-u-feel.livejournal.com]

"Would you like to tell me how exactly I'm supposed to do that? The whole situation is like a Lifetime movie. You love her. She loves you but she really loves some other guy who doesn't love her. Oh and she's dying. It makes me want to cry all over again just saying it."

She wanted to but she didn't. He had enough on his plate without her making him console her too.

"Jesus, I'm not going to tell anybody, okay?" She snapped gently immediately softening her expression. "You can trust me."

[centerishome.livejournal.com]

He purposefully ignored the first part of what she said. He wasn't going to go into those details anymore. He half chuckled when she snapped at him.

"I trust you." He hugged her and then leaned back against the couch cushions and closed his eyes. Everything felt kind of absurd right now. He felt like he was drugged while everything kept moving around him. He almost told her to leave so he could go to bed but he instead he looked at her.

"Are you on call tomorrow?"

[know-how-u-feel.livejournal.com]

At first she thought it was the beer that had him glassy eyed. There was no telling how many he had before she got there but his slow movements and his eyes told her there was something stronger at work. "I, uh, I'm on duty actually. The next two days."

Her cool hand came up to his forehead and gently pushed his short hair away from his face. "Are you okay? What did you take?"

[centerishome.livejournal.com]

He had been in the middle of his first beer when she came. It was more being tired than being intoxicated.

"I'm fine, Dr. Samantha." He gave her a weird look. "I had surgery 6 weeks ago. I don't take the pain meds that much anymore but it was hurting earlier so I took one. Maybe I should have waited a little longer for the beer."

"I won't keep you too late then. I was going to suggest we get smuggle a dinner of junk food into the E street cinema and see a movie. I could for go for doing something non-serious for a little while."

[know-how-u-feel.livejournal.com]

"Surgery?" That was first she'd heard of it and just like that, worry flooded in. "What kind of surgery? Are you okay?"

It was a sweet offer but he looked dead already. Going out was just going to wear him out further. "I've got a better idea. How about we call for Chinese or a pizza or something, we get a pay-per-view movie, and we stay in tonight?" Her hand lightly touches his temple. "You look beat, kid. You been sleeping?"

[centerishome.livejournal.com]

"I'm fine." He contemplated how to explain what happened, how much he wanted to tell her. "I was in an accident at work. Took a bullet to the gut. I stayed with Jen the month I was out of commission."

"Yeah, okay. You pick the movie, I'll order the food," He offered a little smile. "And yes, doc, I've been sleeping."

[know-how-u-feel.livejournal.com]

"You were shot? What? No one would shoot you? I mean I fantasized about it but even I wouldn't be able to go through with it." She protested. "Wait, so did a gun just go off or something? I mean what 8 year old child was allowed to wield a gun in freakin' Quantico?"

"Well, sleep more. You look like shit." She shot back with a smirk before setting in on his couch and reaching for the remote. "Ooh! What about Our Idiot Brother? It's got the step-brother from Clueless in it. And looking rough. Boy, needs a shave. Bad."

[centerishome.livejournal.com]

"I don't want to go into the details." It was just to protect himself or Jen's privacy. He really didn't wan to go into it. And he didn't want her going off on Jen if she was pissed he took a bullet for her.

"Well, gee thanks. I guess you skipped the bedside manner class in doctor school?" He nodded in response to her movie choice, "Elizabeth Banks is in that. Ty is obsessed with her, ever since he found out she's a Jew."

[know-how-u-feel.livejournal.com]

"Were you already with Jen when she let you stay with her after or was that when you two made it official?" She asked being nosy.


"Elizabeth Banks is Jewish? Oooh he better watch himself. She could be related to you guys and God sees you when you whack off to your cousin." Sam teased and ordered the movie.

[centerishome.livejournal.com]

He turned his head and smiled at her. He could play this game. "Any cute guys in scrubs over there? I bet you've had lots of boyfriends since we were together. Tell m about them."


"Yeah, she's one of the chosen ones!" He laughed. "That's just creepy you perv!"

[know-how-u-feel.livejournal.com]

"No one of consequence. So back to you and the boss lady. Must have been fun having her play nursemaid." She countered with a sarcastic smile.

She laughs. "I'm not the one masturbating to my cousin!"

[centerishome.livejournal.com]

"I don't believe that. Come on, what was his name? Taylor? Bill? Rob? Jack?" He laughed. THIS is what he missed, just being silly.


"I never NEVER jacked off to Elizabeth Banks. That's all Ty." He almost couldn't contain his laughter. "I once walked in on him whacking off to a picture of the cast of Saved By The Bell: The New Class."

[know-how-u-feel.livejournal.com]

"Someone told you about Taylor, Bill, Rob, and Jack?! Look it was just that one time and I'd never had an orgy before?" She somehow managed to keep a straight face. She was smiling before she nudged him with her shoulder though. "I'm sure you know all about the kinky. That woman looks like she carries a riding crop around the way the British carry umbrellas."

"WHAT?!!! NO!!!" And she proceeds to die laughing. "Where is your phone? I'm calling him. The New Class?! God, have some self respect. At least make it One Tree Hill.

[centerishome.livejournal.com]

He's laughed. He's a little bit stoned but it still feels good to just be a goof off. He throws one of the couch pillows at her. "Times must have changed! You're no longer so innocent, huh?"

"He probably jerks off to One Tree Hill too," Clarke laughs. He make fun of his brother, it's all out of love.

[know-how-u-feel.livejournal.com]

Given that she's not stoned, she catches it easily and lobs it back. "You know how competitive I am. Once I start doing I set out to be the best at it. Why should sex be any different?"

Sam finally located Clarke's phone and sends a quick email reading "I know what you are doing and God doesn't approve."

[centerishome.livejournal.com]

"It shouldn't be," he throws the remaining couch pillow. "Especially since as a doctor, if TV has taught us anything, you've got a lot of on-call rooms to christen!"


Clarke grabs it back. "This is Tyler. You're going to have to be more specific before he knows what God doesn't approve of."

[know-how-u-feel.livejournal.com]

"Hey! I'll have you know that I am completely professional at work. I have not christened a single room. Thankyouverymuch!" She shot back, grabbing her beer again finally taking a sip.

She tries to hold onto the phone but it's small and she didn't have a good grip so tries to wrestle it back. "Clarke! I just want to send him a txt! It's a short one!"

[centerishome.livejournal.com]

"Not yet. A hundred bucks says you will by the end of next year," He smiled. He went for a coke instead of another soda.


"A text about what he should use as a masturbatory aid!" He was cracking up. "You should say hi to him though. He'd love that. I'll give you his number."

[know-how-u-feel.livejournal.com]

"Next year?" Even she couldn't guarantee a whole year.

She was just going to txt back "Saved By The Bell: The New Class". Sam groaned and gave up. "Ugh fine! What's the number?"